How do you come up with your ideas?
In the case of My Favorite Midlife Crisis (Yet), the idea emerged from what was happening all around me. There were these wonderful women dealing with the challenges of this particular time in their lives. I decided here was a story that needed to be told, felt compelled to tell it. I just couldn’t pass up something so loaded with humor. And pain, And hope.
Sometimes smaller ideas come from newspaper clippings of an event that resonates. Or a snippet of fascinating conversation. And, of course, a writer is constantly observing. I always carry around a tiny notebook to record ideas. I’m sure I look like Inspector Clouseau skulking around, furiously jotting. But I even take my notebook into the ladies room. Amazing what fabulous dialogues women have stall-to-stall when they think no one’s listening.
Why did you make your lead character a gynecologist?
I’ve always been fascinated with medicine and worked in the field. My last job was with an international network of tissue transplant banks. I’m probably a frustrated physician. The character of Gwyneth Berke allowed me to get inside that doctor persona. I wanted my protagonist to have some emotional weight, some gravitas. A cancer surgeon makes a strong impact. Also, I thought that a woman GYN would really understand women— inside and out. Plus, readers are fascinated by surgery and medical advances. It seemed like such an interesting area to explore.
Is middle age really funny?
It’s not ha-ha funny. But it is wry and ironic funny. Because inside that fifty year old body dances the spirit of an eighteen year old. So you try to avoid mirrors and keep smiling, even if smiling makes wrinkles. If you take aging too seriously, you wind up sitting at home waiting for your gray roots to grow in. Sometimes humor is the only way to take the speed bumps as you careen into your fifties and beyond.
How long have you been writing?
I was eight or nine when I wrote my own collection of fairy tales. Stories I illustrated with my Crayolas. For a couple of pre-teen summers, I was obsessed with Nancy Drew and wrote my own versions of the mysteries using Carolyn Keene’s characters. And when I was thirteen, three friends and I put on a play for our parents. It was a one act, one scene adaptation of Little Women, which I wrote. I played Amy. I wanted to play zesty Jo, but I wasn’t tall enough. We charged a quarter a ticket and immediately went out and blew the profits on ice cream. So the writing urge goes back pretty far.
Do we prize women of a certain age enough?
It’s kind of a cliché that we live in a culture that’s fixated on youth. And youth is something you can’t have injected or lifted, although some of us delude ourselves into trying. To me, this obsession with perky breasts and stomachs flat enough to show off a belly button ring is, as Fleur might say, unseemly. The truth is, women of a certain age have so much to bring to the table. Is Lauren Bacall not sexy at eighty, for heaven’s sake?. Madeline Albright and Condoleezza Rice are obviously smart cookies who haven’t crumbled with the passage of years. Look at Sharon Stone. Meryl Streep. Look around you. Mature women own their identities. They’ve spent years dealing with the world which teaches them what’s important and what’s not worth fussing over. They’ve learned the lessons of love and trust and caring over time. These women are smart, sophisticated, and savvy. They rock.
Who do you see as your target readers for My Favorite Midlife Crisis (Yet)?
It’s a big, broad target. Of course, women forty-five and up are prime readers because the characters are in that age range. But my daughter who’s twenty-nine read the advance review copy and shared it with her friends. They loved it. It’s got a modern feel and the themes of women bonding and surviving are universal, spanning age and background. And men who’ve read it tell me it’s packed with valuable information about women. Men really do believe women are an entirely different species, and an exotic one to boot. I love the idea that men view the book as a kind of guide to how we think and operate.
What is it like to be dating at fifty?
A lot different than twenty or thirty. First of all, the pickings may be slim because of the age factor. Then you need to get a sense of the new mating rituals and resources. The dating and matching sites online. The personals in the newspaper. Speed dating. Dinner clubs. The new protocols—who pays for what, the nuances of the sacred cell phone number exchange. And then you have to deal with the new and I’m-not-sure-improved sexual mores. These days, men tend to expect much more, much faster. Some of the women out there haven’t slept with anyone but their husbands for the last twenty years and now every guy they date expects them to jump into bed on the second date. If fifty is the new forty, the second date is the new sixth date. For woman in midlife, the scene can be daunting. Plus there’s menopause to deal with. You may not be comfortable with your changing body and, for some, unpredictable emotions. It’s complex.
Is it a level playing field in terms male/female dynamic for women past forty-five?
Not the way I see it. Just look at the numbers. Men die younger. Past fifty there are scads more women than men in the dating pool. Then men have the option of dating women their own age, or older women, or younger women, even much younger. Yes, Demi Moore and Mary Tyler Moore married men much their junior, but for those of us common folk not named Moore, the likelihood of such a match is small. We tend to be left with men who are older, in many cases Medicare-older. I know some fifty year old women dating seventy year old guys. (Not that there’s anything wrong with it.)
In this culture, men are generally valued for power and money which increase with age. Women are prized for youth and a dewy beauty, which by definition vanish or decrease with age. Not fair. Romantically, sexually, women past, say, fifty become almost invisible to men the same age. Go on line and see who fifty or even sixty year old men are looking to date. Catherine Zeta-Jones. Every sixty year old man sees himself as Michael Douglas. Okay, not every man. There are some wonderful men who appreciate women their own age. Just not enough.
Then again, as my dear departed mother used to say, “It only takes one.” So you kiss a few frogs on your way to the palace.
How important is research to you?
I’m a strong believer in solid research, down to the fine points. Because when I read a book and it touches on some field I’m familiar with, and the author gets it wrong, it ruins the reading experience for me. The spell is broken. For My Favorite Midlife Crisis (Yet), I worked with a gynecological oncologist who took time from his grueling schedule to tape answers to the more than forty questions I posed. Additionally, I had a bunch of medical advisors, physicians and nurses, on hand for quick consults. I’ve been in the OR observing surgery. I worked with research scientists to make sure the material in that area rang true. On a London trip, I walked through the Tate Gallery to see what paintings were exhibited in the rooms in which I set some scenes. I went to First Night in Annapolis for another chapter. The internet is an invaluable resource. I aim to be meticulous in my research. I think the reader deserves that. |
